This is the first substantial book that seeks to provide a theology of friendship that I have read. In fact, I can’t even think of another one. Perhaps C.S. Lewis’ Four Loves comes closest.

McLaughlin draws on Jesus’ famous words in John 15: Greater love has noone than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

She provides a wonderful meditation and analysis of these words, and the broader themes of scripture that complement a biblical vision for friendship.

Who wrote it

Rebecca McLaughlin is quickly becoming a notable speaker and writer. Typically, apologetics is more her angle. This one, however, intersects with some of her thinking on relationships and sexuality (as well as her personal experience of friendship), and is a welcome

Why I read it

As part of my sermon series on Identity & Sexuality, I was keen to read broadly on the subject of relationships. Having read (and enjoyed) most of McLaughlin’s recent writing, this was a no-brainer.

What I liked

This was an excellent exploration of the subject. It was insightful, with some very helpful ways of unpacking a gospel vision of the ‘friendship’ relationship. It gave me a renewed appreciation for God’s design for friendship, and some of the unique aspects of this particular kind of relationship (see quotes below for some brief examples).

What I didn’t

I think I faded a little toward the end, though I’m not sure if the book ran out of steam, of if I did when I was reading it. Quite possibly the latter. It’s still an excellent book and one I’m happy to recommend.

Major Takeaway

“Jesus’ linking of deep friendship love to His own sacrifice for us means friendship is a vehicle of the gospel, not just because in friendship we speak gospel truth to one another (though we should), nor even just because we seek to speak the truth of the gospel to friends who don’t yet follow Jesus (though we must). Friendship is a vehicle for the gospel in the sense that its cross-shaped: formed for life laid down in love for others, just as Jesus laid down His own life for us.”

“The beauty of marriage is that it’s locked in and exclusive. The beauty of friendship is that it isn’t. Marriage and friendship are designed to complement, not replicate each other.”

“But while we must flee from sexual immorality, we must be careful not to run away from gospel-centered friendship based on fear. If we let fear set the agenda, we can end up oversexualizing all male-female interactions because we don’t have healthy models in our lives of what true brother-sister friendship looks like.”

Who should read it

This deserves wide reading simply because friendship, in our modern western culture, is so poorly understood and underappreciated. If we had many people in our churches read this, I think we’d see a significant shift in improved relationships across the board.